I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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