I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
