My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
