My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
