its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
