God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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