if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize