Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Randomize
