Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
