I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
