I want to stick my p in your. b.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
