I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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