so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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