Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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