I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
