Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
there was a trapeze. enough said
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
