oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
