you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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