i think i have two assholes
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
