It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
