The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
fuck your aforementioned shoe
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
