It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
love makes seman taste better
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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