Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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