I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
