I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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