ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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