And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Buhtt sex?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
