i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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