I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
