Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
