You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize