Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
