toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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