Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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