I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize