your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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