There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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