the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
