We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
