what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The police scanner is talking about you again....
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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