I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
