there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
