Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
