you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize