we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
