we have pet lesbian snakes
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
