she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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