drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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