I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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