If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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