this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
