Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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