Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
