Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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