If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
