1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
