who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
we're blogging at a bar
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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