my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
