So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize