and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
How does one acquire holy water?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
