Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
