I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize