your room smells of hookers.
And success
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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