I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
