Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My dick has a subreddit
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
