I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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