The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
