these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
