you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
