We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
and she was petting her beer can
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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