just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
