apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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