I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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