Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
