the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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