note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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