Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
