I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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