My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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