I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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