Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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