physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
